Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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