I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
