I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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