If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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