so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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