You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
