the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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