We're facebook friends in real life
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
