Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She announced her abortion via fbk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
