pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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