I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
