The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
