He disabled his match.com account in front of me
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
