We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
