Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
