Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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