Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
