threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
