No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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