It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize