I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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