Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is classic penis vs brain.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
