Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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