If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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