We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
