she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everyone says I win the strip club
Holy sore nipples Batman
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
