At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's like a pop up book from hell.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
