While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
