The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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