It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
