I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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