I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
