do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
