the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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