Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
