I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
