what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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