I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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