Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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