he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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