I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
