You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
