ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
