Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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