He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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