I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
