Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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