Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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