He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Please don't give away my fajitas
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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