That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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