i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
