Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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