No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
someone owes me an orgasm
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize