Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
