booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
