I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
