you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
