I'm drive I can fine osifer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
