How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize