Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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