Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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