I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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