Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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