Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
