I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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