happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Randomize
