i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize