I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
