Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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