So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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