The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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