we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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