Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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