You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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