There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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