I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
